Corona Devo 1883
I am so sorry, Lord.
~~~
I wanted his homework done early this week, and I told him so. Kind but firm, I made my deadline very clear, and the consequences of not-completing things were fully understood also.
But as the deadline loomed and the hour grew later, I saw our son's countenance change and his demeanor alter. He threw away the first (fully complete!) draft and decided to begin again at this late hour. I watched him struggle at the computer for a while before I told him that bed was the best solution for today.
It was late.
It was later still after we talked for about thirty minutes and he confided that he was feeling overwhelmed and inadequate. He felt this way in my eyes, in his own eyes, and even in God's eyes, even though none of us feel that way at all.
The mom-imposed deadline was mine, (not a teacher's) and his anguish at this hour could only be traced back to me. Normally jovial, he was wounded, and the culprit was me.
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. ~Ephesians 6:4
I am so sorry, Lord. I exasperated one of our kids and it was not because I was bringing him up in the training and instruction of the Lord, it was because I was bringing him up in the training and instruction of me.
Even after praying with him and putting him to bed, I felt sick to my stomach.
But Peter said, “Man, I do not know what you are talking about.” And immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed. (61) And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. And Peter remembered the saying of the Lord, how he had said to him, “Before the rooster crows today, you will deny me three times.” (62) And he went out and wept bitterly. ~Luke 22:60-62
I am so sorry, Lord. My heart is heavy with the knowledge and effects of how I have fallen short in serving You today. I hurt my child's heart, and that conviction is deep and choking because, in doing so, I hurt YOUR child too.
I too could weep bitterly, and I relate to how Peter felt when he let you down in such a devastating way.
~~~
Not even a full day passed before I took another verbal swing at another kid. She was rushed and stressed for her next event, and I responded in kind. But, I wasn't kind, and a mom should be. My soliloquy to her about getting-herself-together, being a leader, and lifting others up when they are down seemed to fall on deaf ears...which I understood, because I had shut them.
After she left, my head hung low, and a guilty realization came in and sat on my chest.
All of the things that I chastised her for ...I should have been doing for her.
She was rushed and stressed, and so I should have been the one to be a leader to her, and to lift her up (when she was down)...or even just to hold her. I was giving the advice, but I should have been heeding it.
In just the last twenty-four hours I have exasperated all of my children, and yet the calling on the life of a mom and parent is the exact opposite.
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. ~Ephesians 6:4
I am so sorry, Lord. The role of a parent is a privilege and a deep responsibility, but unfortunately so often I miss the mark completely. Please forgive me.
I sat down with the Bible to say it and pray it again: "Please forgive me."
And in the articles that I had previously gathered in order to write and send a few cards...the Lord spoke truth into my heavy and convicted heart. A sticker that was near my Bible prayed the words I had not thought of yet:
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. ~Psalm 51:10
It's true: we are such screw-ups (Create in me a pure heart, O God), and no one knows it better than our Father in Heaven. But He (not only) gives us grace and mercy (and sometimes the verses to pray), but He also gives us the hope that He can make this happen (and renew a steadfast spirit within me).
We are so sorry, Lord, for what we've done and for where we've fallen short in our lives and in the lives of others...again. But hear our prayer in the Words You give us:
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me (Psalm 51:10). Amen.
~~~
The next card near my Bible that I picked up had a special verse printed on it...just for me. It was almost as if the Lord had placed the sticker and card in my eye-line on purpose, because the verses were all about me:
The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. ~Proverbs 12:18
I am so sorry, Lord. I want to bring healing with my words, but why do I keep piercing?
Maybe things can be different today.
And God reminds us through the Bible that they can (be different today). My guilt and remorse remained, but I could feel it receding as I was receiving God's discipline and hope for renewal.
... but the tongue of the wise brings healing. ~Proverbs 12:18
It doesn't have to be over, and I sure hope that it's not. My words had been reckless, but my tongue could now soothe and bring healing. And that's what we want, because that's what God wants.
I apologized earnestly to my kids and their forgiveness came so easily and earnestly that it made me cry.
He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. (3) And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. (4) Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. ~Matthew 18:2-4
Sometimes we can learn alot from the behaviors of others and sometimes we miss every opportunity to love-them-like-Jesus. But today is a new day and there will be new opportunities to love others like Jesus.
May our words be healing instead of piercing today, and may the Lord create a pure heart in us and renew a steadfast spirit within us.
Blessings,
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