Corona Devo 256
I was feeling pretty good.
I had just dropped off birthday cupcakes to a neighbor girl, a sympathy card and banana bread to another neighbor, and a birthday bundt cake to my good friend who's favorite is white cake with coconut frosting. And I still almost got to work on time!
I was feeling pretty good.
But about what? About bringing a blessing to others...or about myself?
God clarified that question and my pride by calling me on the phone. Okay, so God didn't actually call my cell, the mom of the cupcake drop-off called me to say thank you and that she hoped I hadn't felt obligated to do something for her daughter. "Oh no, of course not...I wanted to!", I said.
We chatted for a few more minutes, but as I hung up, I knew that God had called me on the carpet (and the phone). I had wanted/purposed/thoughtfully intended to drop off the bakery and gifts to their respective doors that morning, but there was an unhealthy pride about it that had somehow built-up as my morning progressed, and God had sensed it. Then He "called" me on the phone to let me know that He knew.
But some of the teachers of religious law said to themselves, “That’s blasphemy! Does he think he’s God?” Jesus knew what they were thinking, so he asked them, “Why do you have such evil thoughts in your hearts? ~Matthew 9:3-4
This passage is about Jesus calling out the pious religious teachers who were thinking bad thoughts about Jesus. But I am owning that it relates to me too. Jesus knew what they were thinking... He knew what I had been thinking too, I had started feeling pretty proud about all that I was doing.
Maybe this doesn't make sense to you (and I hope you are a better person than me and haven't been in this prideful place), but as soon as I hung up, I had a pit of conviction in my stomach. I was feeling pretty good...about myself and the "good" I was doing, but God loves me enough to correct my intentions and pride, and to turn my supposed "sacrifice" to these friends and neighbors into a feeling of mercy for them. I had not "given" with the correct heart.
But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” ~Matthew 9:13
Previously I had interpreted this verse only in relation to us serving God, but today I felt an arrow of guilt hit my heart in how I was "serving" others. The Lord does not want us serving Him or others out of compulsion, guilt, or pride. He also does not want us, even within our own hearts, to be proud or self-seeking about what we do to serve Him or others. We are to be humble, and to give out of mercy, not pride.
It is quite embarrassing to admit, but in a sense, my friend on the phone had "caught me" in what I was thinking, even though I almost was not fully aware of it. But pride can sneak in that way. I had unknowingly and self-righteously slipped into pride. I like to bless others with written notes and baked goods, but in the compilation and rush of preparing for each of these friends/neighbors needs that morning, I had somehow mentally climbed up on my highhorse about "doing good" for these people. And (of course) the Lord knew it. He knows our hearts.
Jesus said to them, “You are the kind of people who make yourselves look good before other people. God knows your hearts. What men think is good is hated in the eyes of God. ~Luke 16:15
Even if something looks kind, if our hearts are not in the right place, then it is for naught. The Lord saw me, and it wasn't pretty. I was trying to make (myself) look good before other people and that is not what God wants for us, or what He wants to be the root of our service.
And so, my mood changed. I was not feeling pretty good. I felt bad, embarrassed and convicted.
But the whole thing also deepened my respect and love for God, my Heavenly Father, even more. He loves me (us) enough to discipline me. Similarly, I do not correct my children out of spite, but to better them--for their own good, for the good of others interacting with them, and ultimately, so that their lives might glorify God. I had gotten off track and was not glorifying God because my intentions had taken on pride. In love, God disciplines His children.
Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them. ~Proverbs 13:24
Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. ~Revelation 3:19
I am grateful for a Father that loves me enough to discipline me.
Now that feels good...even though it feels bad. You know what I mean...
Blessings,
sarah
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